


You Know I Never Wanted to Hurt You

by NiniAtTheYAC



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Nini and Seb being besties, Nini has anxiety, Why are there hardly any fics about this friendship?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22321714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiniAtTheYAC/pseuds/NiniAtTheYAC
Summary: At Thanksgiving Nini needs a minute to collect herself away from Ricky and Gina, and the rest of the gang, but Seb knows that everyone needs a shoulder to cry on.This story deals with anxiety, negative self-talk, and alludes a bit to mental health issues and disordered behavior. Please read at your own discretion. This fits kind of before my other fic "If My Heart Breaks it's Gonna Hurt so Bad", but they both stand on their own.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith & Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	You Know I Never Wanted to Hurt You

Nini runs her fingers slowly over each bone in her hand to try and calm her anxious nerves. She can’t stand to watch this, but she can’t look away. Sitting in a room, playing a game, surrounded by her friends, all that Nini can think is ‘They’re a “we” now’. She’s trying to keep up a calm appearance, but inside she’s a mess. ‘I wonder if he’s kissed her?’ Nini contemplates, ‘I wonder if she’s a better kisser than me? I bet she is and he probably kisses her and wonders how he ever put up with kissing me’. 

She knows she’s spiraling, but Nini sees the way that they gravitate towards each other. In the crowded room, they both sit close, stealing glances at one another. Gina keeps looking over at Ricky, Nini recognizes her behavior, it’s the same thing Nini always did, well she still does, checking in on him. Making sure he’s smiling and having fun even when he thinks no one’s watching him. He is, and always has been, such a sweet and sensitive boy. He never wants his feelings to get in other people’s way, so he hides a lot. Nini knows, and it seems to her that Gina must too, that the only way to really see how Ricky is doing is to check on him when he thinks you’ve forgotten. Nini looks at him now, and she’s both relieved and heartbroken to see that he is completely absorbed in the game with their classmates. He looks content. His heart doesn’t seem to be giving him troubles. His breathing is normal, and what Nini wouldn’t give to be able to say the same things for herself. 

Nini glances back to Gina who, much to Nini’s surprise, is already looking at her. Nini gives her a tight-lipped smile before looking down at her hands, still fidgeting uncomfortably in her lap. She shakes her head at her own stupidity, ‘He’s not yours,’ she mentally berates herself. ‘He doesn’t owe you anything, and he deserves to be happy’. It’s getting harder and harder for her to breathe. The combination of the desire to cry and scream, coupled with the movement and noise in the room is a toxic mix. Nini runs her palms over her dress and tries to focus on her breathing, but the moment she looks up she sees the boy who she loves, who she never stopped loving, looking so completely content with someone else by his side. So happy without her. Nini feels the tension pull tighter in her chest. 

She’s about to lose it. She stands as discreetly as she can and without a word slips out of the room and then quietly out the front door. She just needs some air. Some peace. Some space to breathe and cry and lose it, and then she’ll put it all away and cram it down and be okay for the rest of the night. Nini sits on the front stoop and drops her head into her hands. After only a few moments she startles at the sound of the front door opening and closing behind her. Nini braces herself for whoever might have noticed her leaving and followed her out the door. She doesn’t lift her head, not even as she feels a jacket placed around her shoulders and a person settles down onto the step beside her. “I know I’m not Kourtney, but I love you Nins and I hate seeing you in pain.”

Relief washes over her at the sound of Seb’s voice. Nini lets out a sob before falling against his side. Her tears begin to fall in earnest now, somehow Seb was exactly the person she needed in this moment, even though she didn’t know it. “I’m sorry, Sebby. I shouldn’t make things about myself it’s just-” she chokes on her tears for a moment, “I- He’s so happy. He’s fine without me! Meanwhile, I can hardly breathe without him and I can hardly breathe when I’m around him. It just never ends, and clearly, I’m completely replaceable to him” Seb’s arms come around her to hold her tight and for once Nini feels safe and grounded on the planet. 

“Nini, you’re not making things about you, this is about you. You have every right to feel every feeling that is in your heart.” Seb paused for a moment, “Remember last year when we were trees together? And I always said it was a matter of time before you got a lead, but our old drama teacher was never gonna let that happen for me. They saw me as a typecast that they didn’t want to cast, and you saw me as me. You were the person who helped me through all of that. Everything that I felt, rational or completely irrational, you made me feel valid, and you are valid too.” Nini couldn’t speak, but she nodded her head so he would know that she understood him. 

“And hey,” Seb continued, “ look how far we’ve come, Miss Montez! I’m so proud of you Nini, and you should be proud of yourself too.” Nini laughed softly at Seb’s compliment. 

“I mean, we were the best-looking trees this school has ever seen, but yeah, speaking parts are fun too I guess.” Nini said. She slid her right hand to rest on Seb’s knee, “I feel like all I ever do is mess things up as Gabriella, but Sebby I really am so proud of you too. You are finally getting the recognition you’ve always deserved.”

“I’ll always have a special place in my heart for our foliage days though. Remember those costumes? I mean, nothing gets sexier than brown unitards with leaves basically stapled to them!” Nini laughed in earnest at the recollection of those costume fittings. “Seriously, I know that you love Ricky, and I know this must be pretty unbearable, but I’m here. I’m always here for you.” Seb rubbed her arm reassuringly. 

“I just never should have given up on us. I never should have let myself get swept up with EJ. I should have known why Ricky couldn’t love me. He couldn’t explain it, but I should have just understood,” Nini lets out a little hiccough while she tries to talk.

She feels Seb shake his head. “Girl, don’t be ridiculous,” he pulls away so that he can take her face in his hands and make her look at him. “It is not your job to be able to read Ricky’s or any boy's mind. Things are hard for him but that doesn’t give him a universal pass to leave you out in the cold, wondering what’s going on.” 

“Well, it looks like he and Gina have talked about everything, clearly there’s something about her that he wants that I’ll never be. I just feel like I’m never enough,” Nini’s eyes shined with unshed tears while she spoke. 

Seb pulled her into a tight hug and for a moment they both just held each other, wrapped in the quiet of the evening. Finally, Seb pulled back to look her in the eyes, “I really do believe that Ricky has always loved you, but you deserve to be told that you are loved, and you are not required to light yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” Nini was taken aback at the wisdom in his words. She’d never considered all of the pain she had put herself through for the sake of other people, not just Ricky. But she knew that the same was true for Seb. She gave him a knowing look. “That’s what my therapist tells me.” Seb admitted with a soft smile, “I think about it a lot, and it brings me peace when I have to make tough choices, maybe it’ll do the same for you.” Seb looked at her with sincerity in his eyes. It was impossible to question the compassion that Seb showed her, and knowing that he cared about her was enough to loosen the huge knot of anxious pain that had been twisting up in her chest all night. 

Nini shivered from the cold and the thought of all the decisions she’d been making lately.

**Author's Note:**

> When they showed the clip in hsmtmts of Nini talking about Ricky and Gina saying something like 'they're a "we" now, it's great, they've got inside jokes now' all I could think was that my poor girl shouldn't put others happiness before her own. That thought led me to think of my therapist's advice, you're not required to light yourself on fire to keep other people warm. I just feel like those are words that hold true in so many of our lives and we can all benefit from hearing them. And Seb seemed like the perfect person to have the perspective to say that to Nini.


End file.
